By Mandy Cox
Recently, we heard from an HR leader at a member organization who found herself in a difficult conversation.
An employee, visibly upset, asked why the health plan did not cover her contraceptive. The employee felt singled out. She felt the exclusion was unfair. She was used to her employer health plan paying for her contraception.
The HR leader, trying to diffuse the tension and relate to her employee, rolled her eyes and said, “I know. It’s the Catholic Church. Sorry.”
The exchange lasted only a few seconds. It likely felt like a small moment — an attempt to signal empathy and move on. But moments like that are not small.
When a leaders distance themselves from the mission of their organization in order to show compassion, they unintentionally communicate something else. The eye roll and apology suggest that the coverage decision is arbitrary, or perhaps embarrassing. The employee may walk away believing that leadership does not truly stand behind the organization’s convictions, or care about them personally.
Most leaders do not respond this way out of defiance. They respond out of discomfort. They want the employee to feel heard. They want to avoid escalating the situation. They may not feel equipped to explain the moral reasoning behind the benefit structure in that moment.
But in Catholic organizations, health plan design is not accidental. It reflects deeply held commitments about the dignity of the human person and the responsibility to align institutional practices with those commitments. When a leader apologizes for those decisions — even casually — it signals that those commitments are negotiable. Over time, those signals shape culture.
Forming a Pastoral Response
A formed response does not lack compassion. It does not dismiss frustration. It simply refuses to separate empathy from identity.
It might sound like this:
“I understand this can feel frustrating. Our health plan is structured to reflect our Catholic mission, and that includes certain exclusions. I’m happy to walk through that with you so you understand how and why those decisions are made, and point you to benefits you do have available.”
That kind of response does not eliminate disagreement. But it maintains clarity. It affirms the employee without undermining the organization.
Leadership is often exercised in brief, unscripted conversations. An email reply. A hallway exchange. A quick comment intended to lighten the moment. These are the places where culture is either strengthened or quietly weakened.
Good intentions matter. But without formation, they can still undermine mission. Formed leaders form culture.
This month you have received in invitation to help us build a resource for CBA members: Catholic Professional Development. These e-learning courses will provide practical guidance for leaders who might face these conversations.
Do you want to help build a solutions for Catholic employers? Reach out to Mandy Cox to learn more about the pilot program launching this month.
In the months ahead, we will continue to examine real situations Catholic employers are facing, not to criticize, but to recognize where preparation equips leaders to respond with both compassion and conviction.